Neckties are one of the few masculine clothing institutions that have not been fully appropriated by female fashion.  This is especially odd given that  a tie has no practical value.  Once upon a time, it may have been used to keep a man’s neck warm, but the modern day necktie is useless in this regard.  You also can’t dry your hands on it, blow your nose in it or use it to wipe down a grill yet it still retains it’s decidedly manly air.  Unfortunately, the ins and outs of the necktie are a mystery to many men.  Here’s a message I got from one of my (two) readers:

 …You should add a blog entry about tying the Windsor knot on a neck tie. Cuz there are some brothas look sharp as dirt but their neck ties look like an M-80 just went off in Turkmenistan! -JC Tejada

  Well JC, now I know it’s serious.  We’ve got the poor people of Turkmenistan involved, and it must be corrected.

  When should I wear a tie?  Once upon a time in America, the tie was a staple in every man’s daily wardrobe (along with a suit and hat).  Just watch an episode of Mad Men and that’s pretty much what every man who worked in an office wore every single day.  Things were going well for the tie and then something terrible happened: The 60’s.  Dirty, patchouli-soaked hippies somehow managed to convince the world that the tie was a symbol for the “shackles of the man” and needed to be burned along with so many pointy bras.  Ties started to make a comeback in the 80’s and 90’s but the “dot com” era gave birth to man-children who went to work in flip-flops and Hawaiian shirts.  Now, everybody thinks they work at Google and want to get by with the sloppiest wardrobe that will pass muster.  I say, it’s “TIEme” for a comeback (so lame). 
 
 So, when should you wear a tie?  If you work in an office, wear a tie (regardless of what the “dress code” is).  If you go to a place of worship, wedding, or funeral, wear a tie.  If you’re wearing pants that aren’t jeans, shoes that aren’t sneakers, and a collared shirt that isn’t a polo, wear a tie.  Nuff said.

  What kind of tie should I wear?  First off, avoid anything trendy.  You won’t be taken seriously.  That means you, emo-pants, skinny-tie cardigan boy.  The right tie depends on the outfit, obviously.  Colors are subjective, just make sure you don’t clash. 
 
  For suits, stick with heavy silk material in solids, diagonal stripes or tight patterns.  If you’re feeling brave, throw some paisley in there.  Avoid large patterns and printed novelty ties.  Keep the little bottles of Tabasco sauce in your fridge and off your tie.  And never, ever match your tie and pocket square material.  You do wear a pocket square, don’t you? 
 
  For mismatched outfits (blazer and khakis, tweed sport coats etc.) or wearing under sweaters and vests, you can wear knit ties, collegiate themed ties (think school crest pattern, not a “Fightin’ Irish” tie with a leprechaun on it) and sportsmen themed ties (polo horse pattern, ducks, deer etc.) as well as diagonal stripes.  Make sure that any patterns are woven or embroidered, not printed.
 
 Now, a word on fit.  Ties are NOT one-size-fits-all, and I’m not just talking about length.  The average width of a necktie (at the widest point) is 3.75”.  If you’re a man of average height and build, you’ve got it made.  Otherwise, you need to shop for what suits your body type.  If you’re smaller than average (like me), wearing an average-width tie will make you look like you’re wearing your Dad’s clothes.  You might be tempted to venture into skinny-tie territory here (anything under 2” wide is considered “skinny”), but the idea is to look proportional.  I prefer to wear ties that are 3.25” wide.  If you’re bigger than average you need to go wider.  Again, stay away from extremes (like 70’s ties) and go for something proportional. Check out what professional basketball and football players wear during press conferences for ideas.

 How do I tie my tie?  This is the most common question when it comes to neckties.  Instead of explaining how to tie them, I’ve linked each knot to a video (courtesy of www.artofmanliness.com). First off, there are four basic knots: 

 The Windsor:  Yeah I know, the picture says “Double Windsor.”  That’s a common mistake.  It just Windsor.  The Windsor (or Full Windsor) is the grandpappy of all knots.  It’s a wide, voluminous knot that looks best with a spread or a Windsor collar.  Avoid wearing it with a narrow, point collar.  The width of the knot will be hidden under the points and make them stick out.  Also, if you have a round or pudgy face, avoid this knot.  Be warned: It’s a big ‘un.

 Windsor with spread collar

 The Four-in-Hand:  This is the easiest knot to learn and the first one you should tackle.  It’s also a more casual, boxy looking knot for less formal occasions.  Since it’s also the thinnest, this is a good looking knot for knit ties and rougher silk ties.  Avoid wearing this knot with a wide, spread collar.  The knot is too small to fill the space and looks weird:

 Four-in-hand with spread collar

 Do wear it with semi-spread and point collars.  This is a good look for men with round faces as it creates a vertical line for the eye to follow:

 Four-in-hand with point collar

 
 The Half-Windsor:  Just as the name suggests, it’s similar to the Windsor with only one volume loop instead of two.  This is the most versatile of all the knots and looks good on most collars under most face shapes.  If you only learn one knot, learn this one.

 The Pratt Knot:  Also known as the Shelby knot, I find this one pretty much useless.  It requires a different approach to tying from the rest of the knots and the look can be achieved with a tight Windsor or a slightly pulled apart Half Windsor.  Wear it only if you absolutely have to look like Don Shelby.

  Now, go buy some thrift store ties, practice your knots and start dressing better than your boss.